About Me

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shah alam, selangor, Malaysia
seorang manusia biasa, yang berusaha membuat sesuatu yang laur biasa. seorang pelari yang sedang berlari di sebuah trek kehidupan. aku mungkin tidak mampu menjulang senjata, menyumbang emas permata. namun yang ku tahu aku ingin mati sebagai pejuang agama, dalam tekad untuk memburu redhaNya

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

my struggle, my battle

Salam alaik....

Today I just want to share something about myself, the things that I've been through for the past few days. Last Monday, I'm continuing my alternative treatment with one of my friend who willing to help me with my problem. Actually this was the third time we met for treatment. At first, he just want to follow up my latest condition as before that I have contact him and told him that I'm not feeling well recently. It's like the "thing" was still with me. So we decided to meet and continue with the treatment. At first, we just have some talk as he ask me about my history. But suddenly I felt so uncomfortable and my back and my neck started to aching. At the same time I felt so stressed and when he asked me to recite the syahadah, I started to cry. It's very difficult for me to recite the syahadah correctly. My condition became worse as whenever I close my eyes, I can see "him" as it's like "he" tried to show "his" true color to me. I felt so stressed because I can't stand to see "his" awful look. My friend asked me to continue reciting the syahadah with all my heart to avoid "him" from conquering my mind. Suddenly my friend asked "nak ke tak nak?" as he waving his hand like telling me to answer "tak nak", so I say "no". And he asked again, "kenapa tak nak?" as his finger pointed up. I said, "because of Allah (kerana Allah)". He asked me to repeat my answer again so i said, "tak nak kerana Allah." At that time I knew that he want me to reject that "thing". At the same time my back is killing me. I kept reciting the syahadah with all my heart and at the same time I pray to Allah to keep "him" away from me. I don't need "him", I hate "him" because "he" make me feel miserable. "he" makes me felt apart from Allah. Make me lazy to perform ibadah and hate my family.

And last night, "he" tried to came back to me. I have to ask Kak Bi to accompany me as she's the one who were there during the treatment previously. She recite the manzil's while I tried to shut my eyes. But still, I can see "him" and the Christian cross. So she called my friend and he asked me to wash my face with the water he gave me before and asked Allah to prevent me from "him".

But today, alhamdulillah I felt more comfortable even though I feel a bit tired and weak. But emotionally I feel more stable. I hope it'll continue as I got 3 classes today.

To my sahabat, please pray for my health. I want to stay healthy for Islam.

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